Chinese people have a saying: “尊老爱幼,” which means, “Respect the old and cherish the young.” These traditional attitudes and priorities are part of the reason I really love Chinese culture, but many such ideas are being eroded in modern society, often by the influence of western culture.
The story below was in my reading textbook this week, and it really touched a nerve with me. I’ve included the whole story, and translated it into English as best as I’m able.
星期六带着妻儿回家，母亲非常高兴，一定要上街买点儿菜招待我们，怎么劝也不行。
母亲说：“你们别拦我了，你们回来，妈煮顿大餐请你们，不是受累，是欢喜呀!”
我便说：“我陪你去吧!”
母亲乐呵呵地说：“好！好！你去，你说买啥，妈就买啥.”
母亲年龄大了，双脚显得很不灵便，走路怎么也快不起来。她提着菜篮，挨着我边走边谈些家务事。“树老根多，人老话多”，母亲这把年纪了，自然爱唠唠叨叨，别人不愿听，儿女们不能不听，哪怕装也要装出忠实听众的样子才行。
穿过马路就是菜市场了。母亲突然停下来，把菜篮挎在臂弯里，腾出右手向我伸来……一剎那间，我的心震颤起来。这是多么熟悉的动作呀！上小学时，我每天都要穿过一条马路才能到学校。母亲担心我的安全，总是要送我过完马路才赶去上班。横穿马路时，她向我伸出右手，把我的小手握在她掌心，牵着走过马路，然后低下身子，一遍遍地叮嘱：“有车就别过马路.” “过马路要和别人一起过.”
二十多年过去了，昔日的小手已长成一双男子汉的大手，昔日年轻母亲的细嫩软手，已成为一双苦干的粗手，但她牵的动作依然如此娴熟。
而她的儿子，却对她日渐淡漠，即使一月半月回家看她，也是出于一种义务，只为了不让别人说自己不知孝顺、忘恩负义，不只缺乏诚意，更带着私心。
我没有把手递过去，而是伸出一只手从母亲臂弯里取下蓝字，提在手上，另一只手则伸出来轻轻握住她的手，对她说：“小时候，每逢过马路都是您牵我，今天过马路，让我牵您吧!” 母亲的眼里闪过惊喜，笑容荡漾开来。
“妈，您腿脚不灵便，车多人挤，过马路千万要左右看清楚，别跟车子抢时间。家里有什么难事，不管多忙，我们都会来的。我是您从小拉扯大的儿子呀，您还客气什么?”
母亲便背过头擦泪。牵着母亲的手过马路，心里有几许感激，几许心疼，几许爱意，还有几许感叹。我们爱幼，但我们却时常忘了像爱幼一样尊老。为人儿女者，当你紧紧握住你儿女的小手时，也别忘了，父母的老手更盼望着我们去牵啊！
One Saturday when I went back to my parents’ home with my wife and children, my mother was so happy. She simply had to go out and buy some ingredients to make us something special, she wouldn’t take no for an answer.
Mother said, “Don’t try and stop me! When you come home, cooking you a special meal isn’t a chore, it’s my pleasure!”
I quickly said, “I’ll come with you then!”
Mother cheerfully replied, “Great! Great! Come along. Whatever you say we should buy, we’ll buy.”
My mother is getting old and her feet don’t move like they used to, so she can’t walk very fast anymore. She picked up the shopping basket and walked close to me, chatting happily away. “Old trees grow many roots, old people speak many words.” At my mother’s age, it’s natural for her to love to talk. Other people might get away without listening, but her own children have no choice but to listen. Even if we’re just pretending to listen, we at least have to put on a good listening face…
Across the road is the vegetable market. Mother suddenly stopped still, hooked the shopping basket on the crook of her arm, and stretched out her right hand towards me… For an instant, my heart skipped a beat. What a familiar action! When I was a child, every day I had to cross the road to get to school. Mother was always worried for me, and every day made sure I was safely across the road before rushing off to work. She would stretch out her right hand towards me, take my little hand in hers, and lead me across the road. Then she would bend down to me and say over and over again, “If there are cars, don’t cross.” “It’s best to cross with other people.”
Over twenty years have passed. My hands that used to be so small are now a man’s strong hands. My mother’s hands that used to be so delicate and soft are now worn and coarse, but as she stretched out her hand towards mine, her movement was as natural as ever.
But I, her son, was growing more indifferent to her year by year. Even though I went home for a couple of weeks every New Year, it was only out of a sense of duty. I didn’t want other people to say I don’t know how to respect my parents, that I had forgotten their kindness and turned my back on them, that I was lacking sincerity and full of selfish motives.
I didn’t take her hand when she stretched it out to me. Rather, I reached out with one hand and took the basket from my mother’s arm, and with the other hand stretched out to take her hand in mine. I said to her, “When I was small, every time we crossed the road you would take care of me. Today, it’s time for me to care of you.” Surprise flashed in my mother’s eyes, and a smile spread across her face.
“Mum, your legs are not as strong as they used to be. There are lots of cars and people; when you cross the road you must constantly look left and right, and don’t jostle with bikes and carts. If there are any difficulties at home, it doesn’t matter how busy we are, we’ll always come and help. I’m your son, there’s no need to be polite.”
Mother suddenly turned her head away and wiped away tears. Taking my mother by the hand to cross the road, in my heart I felt gratitude, affection and love, and let out a sigh. We cherish our children, but we often forget that just as important is to respect our parents and care for them. As you hold your children’s small hands tightly in your own, don’t forget that your parents’ hands are longing even more for you to come and take hold of them.
What do you make of this story?
The son’s realisation that his relationship with his parents was built on duty rather than love and care really spoke to me. Many young people may act this way but never acknowledge this truth.
When we acknowledge that our attitudes are wrong, we can start to change them.
What could you do for your parents this week?